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Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. One thing is for sure after the Jets bullied the Patriots into submission last Sunday in the Meadowlands: If Rex Ryan and the Jets tell you they’re going to do something, then, by golly, they’re going to do it. “Or maybe the Patriots just aren’t that good,” says Titans head coach Jeff Fisher. “And I might just know a thing or two about teams ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. How would one describe San Francisco’s 2-0 start to the season, which has the 49ers atop the NFC West standings and has generated a sense of gaiety in a city that has longed to return to the glory days of old? “Whatever you do,” says Mike Singletary, “just don’t call it ‘flaming.’ “Sure, we’re off to a hot start, but we’ve earned every bit of ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. Brett Favre's debut as Viking quarterback was a resounding success as Minnesota prevailed on the road in Cleveland, 34-20. Adrian Peterson rushed for 180 yards and three touchdowns, but just as importantly, Favre had no turnovers and not once displayed the urge to toss some crazy, underhanded pass. Favre also showed the boyish, unbridled enthusiasm he is known for, celebrating wildly after a touchdown ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. Can you quantify the importance of Troy Polamalu and Brian Urlacher to their respective teams? Probably not. But it would be much easier to quantify amount of hair when discussing the two defensive superstars—Urlacher has none, Polamalu has lots. Hair or no hair, injuries have sidelined both, Polamalu for three to six weeks, Urlacher for the entire season. As for the Bears offense, maybe ...

Note: The quotes in the article are fictional.   Did Michael Vick, in suit and tie, look completely at home watching the Eagles' blowout of the Panthers from high above the field at Bank of America Stadium? He sure did. That's because the Panthers kindly accessorized the luxury box with a defendant's table and a bailiff to accommodate Vick, who is eligible to play in Week Three. And with Donovan McNabb suffering a ...

It looks as though Shawne Merriman was telling the truth in the Tila Tequila mess that threatened to hang a dark cloud over the Charger linebacker’s season. After further review, the district attorney handling the case determined that Tequila was not, in fact, “in the grasp,” and therefore, her criminal accusations would hold up about as well as her résumé. “That’s NFL players 2, lying skanks 0,” says Merriman. “Ben Roethlisberger is ...

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional. Miami at Atlanta (-4) The Dolphins, last year's surprise AFC East champions, may find the road to a division title a bit more bumpy, what with a healthy Tom Brady in New England, an eager Terrell Owens in Buffalo, and Brett Favre out of New York. That doesn't mean the 'Fins don't expect to repeat, despite the rigors of the AFC East slate, as well ...