AGRI Biz

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. At the onset of the season, it appeared that Sunday's Colts/Titans contest would pit the two AFC South frontrunners in an early battle for control of the division. However, Indy's impressive 4-0 start, coupled with Tennessee's disastrous 0-4 start, has diminished much of the luster of the game. "Hey, we know the Titans are down," says Peyton Manning. "But that doesn't mean they're out. ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. It may be true when they say "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," but what happens in Lake Tahoe, well, that'll follow you all the way home to Pittsburgh. Twice. Ben Roethlisberger, who was sued for sexual assault in July by a Harrah's Casino employee in Reno, is now being sued by anotherHarrah's employee, who claims he was fired when Roethlisberger complained that ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. The undefeated Colts welcome the ailing Seahawks to Lucas Oil Stadium, the "House That Lube Built," home of Peyton Manning and the well-oiled Indy offense, which often operates as if at the mercy of a shot clock. Not known for time-consuming, 14-to-18 play drives, the Colts scored four touchdowns on the Cardinals last week on drives all of six minutes or less. "Hey, no one's ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. Uh oh. There's trouble brewing in Buffalo. Terrell Owens went without a catch in the Bills 27-7 loss to New Orleans last week, ending a streak of 185 games with at least one reception. This after a week in which Owens criticized Tony Romo on Twitter, then publicized his intentions to pursue an acting career when done with football. "Yeah, I know an acting ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. The Bengals finally ended Pittsburgh's eight-game winning streak in Cincinnati, knocking off the defending Super Bowl champs, 23-20, on Carson Palmer's four-yard strike to Andre Caldwell with 14 seconds left. "Individually, we've all been able to say we're AFC North 'players,'" says Chad Ochocinco. "Now, after beating Pittsburgh and going to 2-1, we can collectively say that we're AFC North 'players.'" "And we can build ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. What would Paul Revere have said were he around to herald the arrival of the 3-0 Baltimore Ravens to Foxboro? "Well," says Ray Lewis, "I'm sure after ducking gunfire from Tom Brady's entourage, Revere would have relayed the message that 'The brutish are coming! The brutish are coming! Then Paul would probably hand-deliver some bootleg daguerreotypes of a Ravens' practice. "Now, I relish the chance ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. It may be full of cortisone, but there still seems to be some space left in Brett FavreÆs right arm for a little magic. Last week, FavreÆs 32-yard laser to the back of the end zone with two seconds left found Greg Lewis, giving the Vikings a 27-24 win over the visiting 49ers. Minnesota is 3-0 and leading the NFC North, with the Packers ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. It's not often a team wins when the number of incompletions tossed by its quarterback exceeds the number of points scored. But it happens, as the Raiders 13-10 win over the Chiefs proved. JaMarcus Russell was 7-of-24 for 109 yards. Oakland is 1-1 and in a three-way tie atop the AFC West. "Look, the important thing is JaMarcus didn't turn the ball over," says ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. Shaking off the disappointment of their Week One collapse against the Patriots, the Bills left no doubt against the Buccaneers, jumping to a 17-0 lead on the way to an eventual 33-20 win. The 1-1 Bills now face the daunting task of slowing the NFL's highest-scoring offense, a Saints squad averaging over 46 points per game. "It won't be easy," Bills coach Dick Jauron ...

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional. LaDainian Tomlinson is in a walking boot, Philip Rivers was fined for taunting, and San Diego has serious shortcomings on defense. Oh how the Chargers long for the time when the unsubstantiated claims of a ditzy, C-list, mildly retarded reality star were their only worries. "Well, it seems as though we've rid ourselves of one 'wildcat,'" says Norv Turner, "just in time for another. ...