Author Archive

Cincinnati Bengals: A Brief Storybook Ending to a Tragedy

Posted: 21st December 2009 by Christopher Murphy in NFL
When anyone dies unexpectedly, it hurts.á But when that person is 26 years old, it not only hurts, but begs the question: "What if?" What would that man have accomplished had he not gone so early? How would his three children have turned out if they had him in their lives? What if he had not died? When wide receiver Chris Henry died falling out of a truck during a dispute with his ...

Chicago Bears Week Whatever: Who Cares What We Learned?

Posted: 16th December 2009 by Christopher Murphy in NFL
Another week, another batch of unwanted gifts in the form of lessons from the Chicago Bears.á However, even with new findings surfacing, the Bears used an old formula of starting slow before self-destructing via turnovers and penalties in their 21-14 loss to the rival Green Bay Packers. Lets go to the headlines.á á Jay, Please Don't Throw That Baaaaaall...Damnit The Bears' offense is impossible to watch without some kind of alcohol or punching bag.á It ...

Chicago Bears Week Whatever: Who Cares What We Learned?

Posted: 16th December 2009 by Christopher Murphy in NFL
Another week, another batch of unwanted gifts in the form of lessons from the Chicago Bears.á However, even with new findings surfacing, the Bears used an old formula of starting slow before self-destructing via turnovers and penalties in their 21-14 loss to the rival Green Bay Packers. Lets go to the headlines.á á Jay, Please Don't Throw That Baaaaaall...Damnit The Bears' offense is impossible to watch without some kind of alcohol or punching bag.á It ...

Silent No More: A Declaration for the Forgotten MLB Teams

Posted: 14th December 2009 by Christopher Murphy in MLB
I try to keep it to myself.á I try to just let it slide.á I try to just move on and say, "They will do better next time." Unfortunately, they never do better.á I'm tired of the larger sports media outlets simply getting things wrong when publishing "top" lists.á When I say "wrong," I mean completely ridiculous and not even arguable.á It is one thing to post an opinion that is arguable, but ...

Chicago Bears Week Whatever: Who Cares What We Learned?

Posted: 9th December 2009 by Christopher Murphy in NFL
The Chicago Bears should be proud. The Bears brought an end to their four-game losing streak...beating one of the worst teams in football...barely. The Bears have taught us that even in winning you can look awful. It was a battle of garbage versus overrated. Not a good mix.á Let's go to the headlines. á Jay Cutler Is Kind of Our Quarterback Cutler was 4-for-7 with 131 yards in the first quarter, but after that he ...

Chicago Bears Week Whatever: Who Cares What We Learned?

Posted: 9th December 2009 by Christopher Murphy in NFL
The Chicago Bears should be proud. The Bears brought an end to their four-game losing streak...beating one of the worst teams in football...barely. The Bears have taught us that even in winning you can look awful. It was a battle of garbage versus overrated. Not a good mix.  Let's go to the headlines.   Jay Cutler Is Kind of Our Quarterback Cutler was 4-for-7 with 131 yards in the first quarter, but after that he ...

Chicago Bears Week Whatever: Who Cares What We Learned?

Posted: 2nd December 2009 by Christopher Murphy in NFL
I began writing this segment hoping the Bears would actually learn something from themselves and show some progress in the season toward, not necessarily the Super Bowl as genius Sports Illustrated predicted, but at least competing. However, all we've truly learned from them is a football team cannot change with one player.  Chicago Bears, meet a good team, the Minnesota Vikings.  They combine an offense with weapons everywhere anchored by ...

Hey Grady, Pass the Coffee: Folgers Suing Sizemore for Nude Pics (Satire)

Posted: 1st December 2009 by Christopher Murphy in MLB
Folgers Coffee is suing Grady Sizemore for taking racy photos with the product under no contract with the company. á "If he's going to take pictures, nude or not, with our product then we want to make some marketing points with that," a Folgers CEO said.á "We want his sweet ass to make us some money...wait, don't quote that." Sizemore said the photos were stolen from the e-mail account of his girlfriend, ...

Week Eight: What We Learned About The Chicago Bears…They Are Bad

Posted: 11th November 2009 by Christopher Murphy in NFL
After a dream vacation in victory lane against the Cleveland Browns, the Chicago Bears came back to reality Sunday and were completely dominated by another solid, but beatable team in the form of the Arizona Cardinals. á However, bad teams lose to beatable teams and the Bears proved to all the doubters out there that they are indeed bad. áá The Bears gave up four touchdowns on the first four Cardinal drives ...

Sammy Sosa to Haunt Hall of Fame Until Gaining Entry (Satire)

Posted: 9th November 2009 by Christopher Murphy in MLB
Sammy Sosa has decided to bleech his skin in honor of the recently deceased, but still talked about over and over again, Michael Jackson. Sosa immediately denounced that this was an odd reaction to any of the "Flinstone vitamins" he took during his home run days. á "I must first and foremost say my skin color is not due to the steroids I took for so many years," Sosa said.á "I was ...